you can start over at any time

In an attempt to get this blog back up and running, I am trying out a new format, where I blog the transcript of the week’s episode. I am doing this for a few reasons. Firstly, not everyone is in a position to listen to podcasts. They may have all the time in the world to read but not necessarily listen. The second is that there may be some people out there who enjoy the messages contained in the podcast but who may not care to listen to my dulcet tones. So this is providing choice.

So until I am flooded with feedback about this format sucking or me getting tired of maintaining this, I will continue with this format. So feel free to leave a message on the socials etc, to let me know if this iteration of the blog is a go go, or not. Enjoy!

Hello and welcome to the um…life Podcast. I'm Krissi Marie and this week we are unpacking the topic, “you can start over at any time.”

Let's dive in! Now, I just want to be, I guess, quite clear with this topic. So the idea of starting over, I am not really using this as the, that you have to sell all your worldly possessions, run away with the circus, assume a new identity and, and start again. That is not really in the realms of possibility unless you're in some kind of form of witness protection or that kind. So I'm going to just throttle it back a little bit and, and make it more about the little changes.

Those things that you can do today that might seem a bit overwhelming, they might seem a bit, it's all too big and too scary and it's not possible. But, I have this beautiful lady in my life who, who constantly talks about eating an elephant and it's, it, it is just about breaking it down into small little components and starting because you will never achieve the change, you will never achieve the thing if you don't actually do something about it. And I know that it can be confronting and scary and overwhelming and we have all kinds of baggage that sits with us that about like our worth and you know, are we right for wanting more or wanting different things or wanting to have a better life. And the, the answer to that question is you. You're perfectly fine to dream your dreams and to want what you want, but unless you actually start taking action, then they are just going to stay as those dreams, as those things that stay far, far away and that will never be actually realised or achieved.

And I'm going to share, I guess a little bit of a story about the whole idea of starting over. Now back in, I want to say 2023, thereabouts, it's been to beginning of 2023. So I was just kind of going through this stuff professionally and I was in this, this state where I knew that stuff wasn't right. I knew that something had to change. But I think I got caught up in the whole narrative by really wonderful, powerful, successful women who were the ones who turn their back on their corporate career and go and, you know, open a yoga studio somewhere or they, you know, fulfil their life's pass basket weaving.

And I, that, that wasn't realistic for me. I wasn't able to take a. A massive pay cut to go from the job that was slowly killing me to something that would give me life and that would allow me to live my life longer. And it wasn't until I had a fantastic conversation with a lady by the name of Lucy Ellis and I have spoken about her many, many times before because I. I really love her and she's been so impactful in the changes that have occ life and we're talking about things. And it was through that conversation that it got to the point where it's like it doesn't.

It didn't have to be that absolute. It didn't have to be a case of turning my back and selling my. And running away with the circus or plunging myself into financial difficulties to pursue my passion. And I think that was the other thing. I didn't really know what my passion was.

And so it was like this. I know that this isn't right, but I don't know what to be doing about it. And again, I'd been looking at the whole concept of starting over as clean slating, getting rid of everything, starting again. And that. That wasn't how it all worked out for me.

I was able to look at the skills I had and the organisation I was working for and I was able to take a diagonal step and it was a downwards diagonal step. So it did involve taking a pay cut and I had to work through a whole heap of shit because the grade that I was at and the. The title that I had was so important to me and I had done so much work to get to this point, but my identity was really tied to these. These titles and these things that were all professional. It didn't really reflect who I was as a human being.

But again, that led to the stories I was making up in my own head about what other people would be thinking or saying as a result of me making this decision, which was ultimately the right decision for me. So, again, it was a lot of work that had to happen in the background before I could actually make that change and before I could start a different chapter of my life doing different stuff. And that was personally, I dare say, professionally, the best decision that I've ever made. It allowed me to really get back that balance and that idea of my job. I do my job and I do my job well, but my job does not define who I am as a human being.

My pay grade does not define my worth and importantly, what anyone else thinks about that or about me as a result of that. That's none of my business, and it's frankly none of their business either. But what they think about it is none of my concern. So that was a whole heap of learning and a whole heap of lessons coming at me pretty thick and fast. But the end game was that I was still able to maintain a career in the industry that I had worked hard to achieve.

00:06:13,949 - 00:06:52,420

I just wasn't in a role that was slowly killing me. It removed some blockers, some barriers, some issues, and it allowed me to get again that balance. So I was working very, very specific hours and that then allowed me, I would log off at 3 o' clock and that would then start the second half of my day where I would focus on learning a new skill or creating something in some way. And it, it just gave me life. It really did allow me to rediscover and tap back in to a really important part of me.

It allowed me to go on a beautiful journey, spiritually, personally, physically, emotionally, mentally, all these things. And yeah, there was, there was a pay cut involved, which again, I was very, very fortunate that the circumstances around our life were such that I could actually do that. But again, the alternatives to not doing that was ultimately that I would end up quite unwell because I was already down that pathway and I was stuffing down a whole heap of stuff and it was starting to manifest physically. So again, that, that's my personal story and I guess I just wanted to highlight that it doesn't have to be this like polar opposite thing where you, you quit your high power job and you go and, you know, you live as a Buddhist monk and, and those kind of things. Because while they're great stories and I'm sure they're inspiring to certain people, for the, the bulk of us, we're sitting listening to that going, that is so far fetched, you might as well tell me that you become a catwalk model for Victoria's Secret.

Because in the realms of possibility, it's just not possible for me in my job to not be able to financially support my family or myself, to be able to pursue my goals or pursue a career that makes me happy. So for me, again, it was being able to look at it from a different perspective to go, it didn't have to be that chuck everything out and start again. It was just a matter of being able to do the really, really important inside work to get clear on the motives for why I was feeling this resistance in myself to this change that I knew deep down was super duper necessary, but also being able to then just, just do it. And trust that the universe is going to support these decisions that we're making when they're the right decisions to be making. And that was very, very apparent in my situation where I had again done a lot of months and months of work being able to get very clear on this is who I am and this is what I want to be doing and da, da, da.

And with within a week of being very clear and deciding, this is where I'm at. I'm, I'm very good with who I am and I know that professionally it's, you know, it's not for anyone else to be telling me if this is the right decision or not. A job came up, it was a perfect job. I had the requisite skills and the rest is history, so they say. So again, it's being able to do the work that you need to do to put yourself in a position of making good decisions, but then also being open that it may not come immediately, its timing will be divine and it will be the way that is meant to.

And it might feel like you're on the wrong track if you're getting rejections or if you're not able to pivot as quickly as you think you might want to. But I would just say please trust the process and know that you are never going to end up in a position that you're not meant to be. And know that you will always get the position, you always get into the position that you are meant to be in. So just try to trust that throughout. The other thing that I wanted to discuss today is as we approach, as we hurtle to the end of the year and we come to that magical, mythical first of January type scenario where we should all be kick starting our resolutions and planning on being a better, different, fitter, healthier human being again.

There is absolutely nothing stopping you from starting a new resolution today. Monday, what a good day of the week. Just to cut the crap, to stop with the excuses, to stop procrastinating and go, right, today's the day. So I would challenge you instead of thinking that there are these dates, you know, like, oh, when I turn such and such an age, or again, first of Jan's, a big one. Oh, New Year's resolutions.

You know, my life will be so much different because I'll do this stuff. No, stop making the excuses. Stop buying yourself these extra time. Start today. If you are legit serious about affecting change and starting something new in your life, then do it today.

Do it now.

Make the decision.

Yep, I'm over my bullshit. I'm gonna stop that now and start this new thing here. And that's the beauty of the thing.

The whole idea of starting over at any time, the starting bit can actually be that you are stopping doing something that is not serving you. So you start living your life in a different way because the old one's not serving you and it's not. Again, it's not that you have to completely change your identity and your personality and you have to become a whole new person. No, it's about that self awareness and identifying the stuff that's going on for you, that's not working out for you, that you don't love about your life, aspects about your behaviour that you're not satisfied with. It's again, if you lack boundaries and you let people walk all over you, you maybe can't say anything about it in the moment, but then for hours, days, weeks after that fact, you are beating yourself up about not being able to say no or being railroaded into certain situations and that kind of thing.

So this is your permission to start those incremental steps of change that are going to shift your life. They are going to change the trajectory of your life. But you've got to start, you've got to start doing the thing and today is as good a day as any to pick up that new habit, to again start learning the thing that you've always wanted to learn. And we spoke about these last week where it's okay to completely suck at something, but if it's something that you are passionate about, and if it's something that you've wanted to learn, achieve, be able to do for a long time, then that's going to give you that the energy and the momentum to continue practising, to continue sucking at it until you get to a point where you don't suck at it, having a good hard look at yourself and going, am I completely happy with where I'm at today? And if the answer to that is no, then you got some work to do.

And that might as well start now, today, maybe after you finish the podcast. So sit down with your pen and paper, your journal, do some reflection, then put a plan in place and don't try to go, you know what? I've got a list of six things that I'm not happy with. I'm gonna try and simultaneously rectify all six things in my life. Because you're just setting yourself up for failure.

So it's, why don't we just start with one. Let's again start with the most annoying thing that might be happening for you in your life or the most aggravating, or the thing you lose sleep over. And then from there, once you address and tackle and have a plan in place and you're moving forward on that one issue, then you can shift to number 2, number 3, number 4, etc. Work your way through your list. But please go easy on yourself and don't try to magically change a thousand things overnight because all that does is it exhausts you and it deflates you because it's not possible to make all of these massive changes in such a short period of time.

So it's a slow burn. This is definitely a marathon, not a sprint. But you first of all have to be very, very clear on where you're going, what you're doing, what it looks like. And once you start that process, and I'm not saying that you have to have the answers to all of those questions right now, you have to start because again, you could sit here again for another 12 months and be hurtling towards Christmas next year and go, oh, yeah, that thing that I wasn't happy with, it's still happening for me. I'm still doing that because I never quite got around to the things that allowed me to fix that or change that.

And the other thing, and I don't really like referencing Dr. Phil, but he's got some wisdom in there back from the 90s, because when I would have a day off school sick, I often watch Dr. Phil and one of his main things is where there is a situation and you're going, ah, you know, like, I, I can't change it. It's, you know, it's bigger than me. It's, you know, not my fault, not my problem. Then ultimately you're choosing to accept that, but you're choosing to accept it because there is something in it for you. There is some kind of need being fulfilled or some kind of point being proven by you continuing to allow, continuing to buy in, by you perpetuating this behaviour.

So as part of that exploratory journaling and that exploratory self reflection, you need to be looking at what's not working for you. And a little bit of why have I allowed it to keep going for so long? Because if it was genuinely something that you were desperate to change, that you were, you felt terrible about that you did not like at all, then I dare say you would have started the process of changing this a little while ago. So this is about honesty. This is really about honesty with ourselves.

It's not about making excuses. There might be a whole heap of valid reasons why you've not sought to address it sooner, but they don't matter anymore. Your purpose, the changes that you want to be, want to be making have to mean more to you than the comfort or the discomfort of the situation that you're currently sitting in. So again, my. My plea to you is just getting real honest with yourself, starting something today.

So whether that be that you need to start engaging the services of someone to help you unpack your stuff, because this isn't always something we can take care of by ourselves. And again, I've said it many, many times before, big fan of a mental health professional, especially to be able to give us that little bit of not even tough love, but more of a clinical view, because I think that our family and friends can be like, oh, they're there, darl. Yep, you are so right. It's everyone else's fault and it's not yours. And that's not helpful for us if we are really, really serious about change.

So get an external third party, someone who you can talk to freely, frankly, someone who you're very comfortable with, but someone who's not going to coddle you and tell you that you're right and there's no need to change. Because if you didn't need to change, you wouldn't kind of be feeling the way that you're feeling. So, yeah, I think that's probably. That's probably all we've got for this week. There's a lot of.

I'm giving you guys a lot of homework this week. This is very big. We've had our little chatty chat now I'm pushing a lot of this back on to you. And I'm not even sorry about it because again, I know the journey that I've been on and I know how rewarding the outputs have been as a result of me getting to some pretty murky kind of places and unpacking a whole heap of shit. But I am so, so glad that I did, because now I'm in a position that I can talk on a podcast every week about all of my mistakes or the things I wish I had have done sooner.

And for me, this whole identity stuff, the stuff I went through in 2022, 2023, I wish I had been able to do that 10 years earlier, at least 10 years earlier, because again, it would have just changed the course of my life a little bit sooner. But again, as I always talk about, we're divinely protected. We only do things in the time in which it is meant for us. So this time for you might be now. You'll never know if you don't start.

So again, get your journal out.

Have a look at mental health providers, practitioners in your local area. Talk to your doctor about getting a mental health care plan and know that talking to a mental health professional, it's not something that only has to happen or can only happen when you're in crisis. It can be if you are in a point of your life where you're just. You're sick of yourself, you're sick of the cycle, you're sick of making the same decisions and doing the same things on a regular basis.

And you know that it's time for change. So I would encourage you, get in place the tools, the resources, the plan that you need to make the positive changes in your life. And know that you do not have to wait until the 1st of January before you make any great plans about changing anything in your life. If there is anything that you want to start, start it today again. A Monday is a good day for it, but so is a Tuesday.

So is any day of the week.

So get rid of these arbitrary dates that you set aside as being they're the start date. It's like, why not just start it now, start it today. Because that will then set you on your path to awesomeness and it's what you deserve. You are worthy of awesome things. Until next week.

Toodle pip.

As always, thanks for joining me for this week's episode of Life. Continue the conversations with our socials. Find us on Insta at triple life, on TikTok at um double underscore life and check out the blog at um life. Don't forget to tell your friends. Like Share Follow Subscribe Shouted from the rooftops.